I used to dedicate, on average upwards of 13 hours a week to religion.
4 hours on Sunday
1 1/2 hours every weekday morning
1+ hours twice a week to evening activities
This became exhausting for me because 1) My heart wasn't in the religion anymore and 2) I was running off of 5 hours of sleep on average through this, and had no option to just sleep through any of it.
Since I left that incredibly organized and structured group, I really haven't spent much time learning about my new faith. Part of this I can blame on our lack of organization. Most of it however falls on me. I need to make time for my Gods, they've always made time for me.
I have done a pretty good job at keeping washing day going. I have also observed every major Blot of this year so far. However, in all the Facebook groups I belong to, I still feel like a lay member, with nothing to contribute. I've been decidedly Asatru for almost 5 years now, and still feel like I'm at beginner level. This is concerning to me. I need to find time between the diaper changes, the feedings, the budget planning, the doctor's and vet visits, the cleaning, the planning for life after the military, and everything else that comes with being a stay at home mom, to learn about my faith. I haven't read all the lore, I couldn't tell you about any of our important founders or figureheads, I have no clue about any of the archaeological finds, and I know very little about beings other than the Gods. The only thing I feel like I've got going for me is that I am kick-ass with bind runes.
So here's the plan internets!
1) Finish reading all the books and articles I have started (3 books, 5 articles, I have a problem with finishing reading)
2) Dedicate at least 1/2 an hour a day to learning about Asatru, increase to 1 hr after month or two.
3) Ask questions in the Facebook Groups I belong to. I have a bad habit of just lurking around, if I don't ask I won't learn.
Here's hoping I can do better.
Showing posts with label Pagan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pagan. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Frigga, and Freya
I feel compelled to write about my beliefs on the Goddess(es) Frigga and/or Freya.
There are many arguments in the heathen community about whether or not these two are the same goddess, or two independent beings. There are very good arguments for both sides, and I will try to display both in an equal manner (despite my own opinions).
One Goddess arguments:
Freya and Frigga are two names for the same goddess. The spelling and pronunciation varies by region, but she is the same woman. She is married to the Wanderer Od or Odin. She is a Goddess of Love, fertility and general femininity. She is well versed in Magic and is a strong warrior. She is associated with magic, fertility, childbirth, love, femininity, and matriarchy. The split came from a simple miscommunication.
Two Goddesses arguments:
The personalities of these two are too varied to be the same Goddess. Freya is a sensual woman, and a warrior. She is associated with cats, and the Valkyries. She represents an important point in a young woman's life where she defines herself, and sets herself up for future success with or without a family. Frigga is past that point and is now a Mother. She is focused on her children's well being and future. Frigga is calm and refined, she is a seer and mother. Frigga is associated with storks, spinning, marriage, and children. There is also insufficient ancient linguistic evidence to support the idea that these are the same names, for the same being.
My views:
I should probably explain a bit how I view the Gods in general. Our Gods are the consciousness of various aspects of life. The best examples are Thor and Odin. Thor is the name we have given the consciousness of our atmosphere (I'll post a-whole-nother blog about this theory). Odin is the name we have given to enlightenment. Keeping that in mind:
I'm honestly, still trying to figure it out. I believe it's clear that Freya is a Maiden, and Frigga is a Mother. That however doesn't mean that they are two separate beings. After all, every Mother was once a Maiden. And as Matt Smith's Doctor pointed out:
I believe the Feminine Goddess of the Norse is a growing and changing Goddess. When she was young, she was Freya, then she became Frigga, and she might be someone else entirely now. Invoking Freya will still call her presence to you. Also, at the same time you could invoke Frigga and receive a different presence. They are incarnations of the same Goddess. They live independently of each other. They can have a conversation with one another, go out for coffee together, but they are the same being. They are the consciousness of femininity. Femininity is complex and layered, we are mothers, but we were also maidens, and we're becoming crones.
TLDR? Frigga and Freya are the same timelord named Femininity.... maybe....
There are many arguments in the heathen community about whether or not these two are the same goddess, or two independent beings. There are very good arguments for both sides, and I will try to display both in an equal manner (despite my own opinions).
One Goddess arguments:
Freya and Frigga are two names for the same goddess. The spelling and pronunciation varies by region, but she is the same woman. She is married to the Wanderer Od or Odin. She is a Goddess of Love, fertility and general femininity. She is well versed in Magic and is a strong warrior. She is associated with magic, fertility, childbirth, love, femininity, and matriarchy. The split came from a simple miscommunication.
Two Goddesses arguments:
The personalities of these two are too varied to be the same Goddess. Freya is a sensual woman, and a warrior. She is associated with cats, and the Valkyries. She represents an important point in a young woman's life where she defines herself, and sets herself up for future success with or without a family. Frigga is past that point and is now a Mother. She is focused on her children's well being and future. Frigga is calm and refined, she is a seer and mother. Frigga is associated with storks, spinning, marriage, and children. There is also insufficient ancient linguistic evidence to support the idea that these are the same names, for the same being.
My views:
I should probably explain a bit how I view the Gods in general. Our Gods are the consciousness of various aspects of life. The best examples are Thor and Odin. Thor is the name we have given the consciousness of our atmosphere (I'll post a-whole-nother blog about this theory). Odin is the name we have given to enlightenment. Keeping that in mind:
I'm honestly, still trying to figure it out. I believe it's clear that Freya is a Maiden, and Frigga is a Mother. That however doesn't mean that they are two separate beings. After all, every Mother was once a Maiden. And as Matt Smith's Doctor pointed out:
TLDR? Frigga and Freya are the same timelord named Femininity.... maybe....
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Talking to the Runes
I was able to squeeze in a rune casting session while Rayne was taking a nap the other day, I feel inclined to tell you all about it.
First off, I should explain how I use the runes. When I cast runes I use an Elder Futhark set. I usually sit on the floor with a cloth in front of me. I gather all the tiles into my hands and cast them much like throwing dice. I then observe the runes that land face up starting with the ones closest to me. Whether or not the Gods talk to me through these means is irrelevant. I like to think that they do, but if not, it makes for a very good meditation practice. I feel like this should be a regular post topic for this blog.
I had four questions, four castings. Because of the shear number of runes that I read, I figure I'll only focus on one of my questions. "Should I focus on becoming a Vitki?" To explain, a Vitki is an expert on the runes, especially their healing and other magical aspects. I believe the bindrunes I made for Rayne's birth worked out very well, and ever since have wanted to do more. This is the runes that landed right-side up.
Isa- Calm controlled
Thurisaz- Strategy, risk
Sowelo-energy, self-control
Jera-benefit, healing
Mannaz-meditation, influence
Eihwaz- secret magic, intuition
Pertho- control the situation
Ansuz-wisdom, study, useful, counsel
Uruz-freedom, power
Hagalaz- caution, sacrifice
Laguz- medicine spirituality
Dagaz-New cycle
This is the message that I got-
Be careful, the runes are very powerful. They can heal, they can hurt. So, know your craft well before you try to help anyone. You will do well in this role.
Anyone get other impressions from this? Other Rune meanings? Other interpretations?
If you use the runes, how? If not, What are your thoughts on them?
First off, I should explain how I use the runes. When I cast runes I use an Elder Futhark set. I usually sit on the floor with a cloth in front of me. I gather all the tiles into my hands and cast them much like throwing dice. I then observe the runes that land face up starting with the ones closest to me. Whether or not the Gods talk to me through these means is irrelevant. I like to think that they do, but if not, it makes for a very good meditation practice. I feel like this should be a regular post topic for this blog.
 |
| Elder Futhark alphabet with their Arabic alphabet counterparts |
I had four questions, four castings. Because of the shear number of runes that I read, I figure I'll only focus on one of my questions. "Should I focus on becoming a Vitki?" To explain, a Vitki is an expert on the runes, especially their healing and other magical aspects. I believe the bindrunes I made for Rayne's birth worked out very well, and ever since have wanted to do more. This is the runes that landed right-side up.
Isa- Calm controlled
Thurisaz- Strategy, risk
Sowelo-energy, self-control
Jera-benefit, healing
Mannaz-meditation, influence
Eihwaz- secret magic, intuition
Pertho- control the situation
Ansuz-wisdom, study, useful, counsel
Uruz-freedom, power
Hagalaz- caution, sacrifice
Laguz- medicine spirituality
Dagaz-New cycle
This is the message that I got-
Be careful, the runes are very powerful. They can heal, they can hurt. So, know your craft well before you try to help anyone. You will do well in this role.
Anyone get other impressions from this? Other Rune meanings? Other interpretations?
If you use the runes, how? If not, What are your thoughts on them?
Friday, April 18, 2014
Maidenhood, Motherhood, and a Unicorn
I have always loved the movie "The Last Unicorn". I've been watching my parent's recorded VHS copy of it since I was very little and because I'm a girly girl, I loved every second of it. As an adult I found a dvd release of it and jumped on it. I'm very glad that I did. As an adult, you pick up on things that you wouldn't think of as a child. Mainly, how Maidenhood, Motherhood, and the transition between the two is so wonderfully explained. Now, keep in mind, I have not yet read Peter S. Beagle's book (it's on a very long list of things to read), so, if you have read the book, and can provide more insight on my observations, I gladly welcome it. Also, there is no such thing as spoilers for a book and movie that came out over 2 (now almost 3) decades ago.
Maidenhood is a concept very familiar to Pagan women, though I understand that many people may not be aware of what it is exactly. For many Pagan traditions a woman will go through three stages of life: The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. Being that I'm really only familiar with Maidenhood, understand that most of this is not very well educated guessing, if you believe my assumptions are incorrect, please comment with your own views. I really do love to hear other points of view. That said, let's discuss what I've come to understand about the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone.
The Maiden is the youngest, full of life and vigor, she thinks little of the past or future, and focuses on the here and now. She is oftentimes thought of as the most beautiful and free-spirited of the three. She is usually very sure of herself and rarely makes a step she did not intend, even if the step ends horribly for her. Most of all, the Maiden, is innocent, and a touch naive. She is sure of herself, but doesn't actually know herself. She has yet to fully define, and understand herself, and her thoughts. Despite this, she knows that she is capable of great things.
The Mother is aware of the past, present and future, and depending on circumstance, she may live in any of them. She is careful, and productive. She has learned from her past, continues to learn today, and will be ready to learn tomorrow. The Mother has made mistakes in the past, and will try to avoid them in the future, but might dwell on them too. She might long for her days as a Maiden. The Mother has defined who she is, and she understands herself and her thoughts better than when she was a Maiden, but may still have some work to do. She is sure of herself, but unlike the Maiden, she has found her flaws and weaknesses.
The Crone is the eldest stage of a woman's life. She is living in the present again, as she did when she was a Maiden. Her past has taught her well, and her future is short, the present is the best place for her. She is unsurpassed in both wisdom, and confidence. She has defined herself, she is aware of her flaws and weaknesses, and she now uses them to her advantage. She is fully aware of all the great things she can accomplish, and no one is going to be able to stop her.
The Unicorns in Mr. Beagle's world, are the embodiment of Maidenhood itself. They are immortal, incapable of regret, and beautiful. When Molly meets the last of the unicorns, she is filled with anger. As a child, I never understood why. As an adult, I think I might have an idea. Being the embodiment of Maidenhood, a visit from a unicorn would do a woman the most good when she was a Maiden, or even when she is in the transition from Maiden to Mother. Molly however, is far past both those points. She hasn't been a Maiden in so long, and her transition was likely a painful (possibly unwilling) one. Molly is a Mother, who wishes to be a Maiden again. To see the embodiment of what she wishes she could be again, is frustrating. She sees in the Unicorn, her own Maidenhood. Poor Molly, in that moment, sees everything she wants to be, and everything she knows she can never be. Thus the "Damn You!". However, Molly is also aware of herself, and is quick to forgive those, who she knows have not intentionally hurt her. She joins the unicorn for many reasons; to spare other Maidens from her poor experiences by saving the other unicorns, and also to protect the last remnant of her Maidenhood left on this earth.
When the unicorn is turned human, she is not only brought from immortality to mortality, but Maidenhood, to Motherhood. Molly reacts to this very strongly. Not even when it's in physical form can she protect and preserve Maidenhood. The Unicorn reacts is a way that is very telling of how traumatic the transition can be. She insists on her being a Unicorn (maiden), and comments on how her new body is dying, and scares her. She also tries to harm her new body. Molly is quick to stop her from doing so, likely knowing exactly what would happen if she didn't. Molly has just witnessed her own transition from Maiden to Mother all over again. It wasn't pleasant the first time, and it certainly isn't pleasant now.
As the human Lady Amalthea, the Unicorn begins to define herself. Instead of identifying as a just a unicorn, and nothing else, she now calls herself a woman, and has her own personal name. The things that were important to her before: her forest and her kind, take a back seat to her new priorities, namely, Prince Leer. She forgets much of her old self, and this leaves her with a feeling that something is missing. Molly tries to remind Amalthea of the fact that she is a unicorn, but Amalthea continues to call herself a woman. She is starting to define herself, and not just accept the names that others have given her. Where the Unicorn was a Maiden, the Lady Amalthea, is a Mother.
After realizing this I patted myself on the back and said "Att'a Girl!". I thought I had cracked this whole thing wide open... Then I started to think. It seems incomplete. We have Maiden, and Mother, but might there be a Crone representation in this story too? Well, yes, there is.
When Amalthea is turned back into a Unicorn, she is changed. She is no longer the embodiment of Maidenhood, she can't be. Once one has left Maidenhood, she cannot return to it. Amalthea is also not like the other unicorns. She can, and does regret, none of the others can do that. She has experienced mortality, which is something no other immortal being can say. She has felt the seconds kill her slowly, and she has felt the decades have no effect. This experience alone, is enough to bring her to Crone status.
Watching this movie as an adult, has been a wonderful experience for me. I've always been a bit fuzzy on the details of the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. As a learning Pagan, this is has been really helpful for me. Especially with my own transition from Maiden to Mother rounding out. I may feel like I've lost myself, I may feel like my life is over, that my body is "dying all around me", but like Amalthea, I will learn from this, and I'll survive it, and in the end, I will be better for it.
Though I will say, this movie does make Motherhood seem less desirable than Cronehood. I'm almost looking forward to my Cronehood more than my Motherhood.... One step at a time Becca.
Maidenhood is a concept very familiar to Pagan women, though I understand that many people may not be aware of what it is exactly. For many Pagan traditions a woman will go through three stages of life: The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. Being that I'm really only familiar with Maidenhood, understand that most of this is not very well educated guessing, if you believe my assumptions are incorrect, please comment with your own views. I really do love to hear other points of view. That said, let's discuss what I've come to understand about the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone.
The Maiden is the youngest, full of life and vigor, she thinks little of the past or future, and focuses on the here and now. She is oftentimes thought of as the most beautiful and free-spirited of the three. She is usually very sure of herself and rarely makes a step she did not intend, even if the step ends horribly for her. Most of all, the Maiden, is innocent, and a touch naive. She is sure of herself, but doesn't actually know herself. She has yet to fully define, and understand herself, and her thoughts. Despite this, she knows that she is capable of great things.
The Mother is aware of the past, present and future, and depending on circumstance, she may live in any of them. She is careful, and productive. She has learned from her past, continues to learn today, and will be ready to learn tomorrow. The Mother has made mistakes in the past, and will try to avoid them in the future, but might dwell on them too. She might long for her days as a Maiden. The Mother has defined who she is, and she understands herself and her thoughts better than when she was a Maiden, but may still have some work to do. She is sure of herself, but unlike the Maiden, she has found her flaws and weaknesses.
The Crone is the eldest stage of a woman's life. She is living in the present again, as she did when she was a Maiden. Her past has taught her well, and her future is short, the present is the best place for her. She is unsurpassed in both wisdom, and confidence. She has defined herself, she is aware of her flaws and weaknesses, and she now uses them to her advantage. She is fully aware of all the great things she can accomplish, and no one is going to be able to stop her.
The Unicorns in Mr. Beagle's world, are the embodiment of Maidenhood itself. They are immortal, incapable of regret, and beautiful. When Molly meets the last of the unicorns, she is filled with anger. As a child, I never understood why. As an adult, I think I might have an idea. Being the embodiment of Maidenhood, a visit from a unicorn would do a woman the most good when she was a Maiden, or even when she is in the transition from Maiden to Mother. Molly however, is far past both those points. She hasn't been a Maiden in so long, and her transition was likely a painful (possibly unwilling) one. Molly is a Mother, who wishes to be a Maiden again. To see the embodiment of what she wishes she could be again, is frustrating. She sees in the Unicorn, her own Maidenhood. Poor Molly, in that moment, sees everything she wants to be, and everything she knows she can never be. Thus the "Damn You!". However, Molly is also aware of herself, and is quick to forgive those, who she knows have not intentionally hurt her. She joins the unicorn for many reasons; to spare other Maidens from her poor experiences by saving the other unicorns, and also to protect the last remnant of her Maidenhood left on this earth.
When the unicorn is turned human, she is not only brought from immortality to mortality, but Maidenhood, to Motherhood. Molly reacts to this very strongly. Not even when it's in physical form can she protect and preserve Maidenhood. The Unicorn reacts is a way that is very telling of how traumatic the transition can be. She insists on her being a Unicorn (maiden), and comments on how her new body is dying, and scares her. She also tries to harm her new body. Molly is quick to stop her from doing so, likely knowing exactly what would happen if she didn't. Molly has just witnessed her own transition from Maiden to Mother all over again. It wasn't pleasant the first time, and it certainly isn't pleasant now.
As the human Lady Amalthea, the Unicorn begins to define herself. Instead of identifying as a just a unicorn, and nothing else, she now calls herself a woman, and has her own personal name. The things that were important to her before: her forest and her kind, take a back seat to her new priorities, namely, Prince Leer. She forgets much of her old self, and this leaves her with a feeling that something is missing. Molly tries to remind Amalthea of the fact that she is a unicorn, but Amalthea continues to call herself a woman. She is starting to define herself, and not just accept the names that others have given her. Where the Unicorn was a Maiden, the Lady Amalthea, is a Mother.
After realizing this I patted myself on the back and said "Att'a Girl!". I thought I had cracked this whole thing wide open... Then I started to think. It seems incomplete. We have Maiden, and Mother, but might there be a Crone representation in this story too? Well, yes, there is.
When Amalthea is turned back into a Unicorn, she is changed. She is no longer the embodiment of Maidenhood, she can't be. Once one has left Maidenhood, she cannot return to it. Amalthea is also not like the other unicorns. She can, and does regret, none of the others can do that. She has experienced mortality, which is something no other immortal being can say. She has felt the seconds kill her slowly, and she has felt the decades have no effect. This experience alone, is enough to bring her to Crone status.
Watching this movie as an adult, has been a wonderful experience for me. I've always been a bit fuzzy on the details of the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. As a learning Pagan, this is has been really helpful for me. Especially with my own transition from Maiden to Mother rounding out. I may feel like I've lost myself, I may feel like my life is over, that my body is "dying all around me", but like Amalthea, I will learn from this, and I'll survive it, and in the end, I will be better for it.
Though I will say, this movie does make Motherhood seem less desirable than Cronehood. I'm almost looking forward to my Cronehood more than my Motherhood.... One step at a time Becca.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Wondering how Hypocritical I am
I often times go through my Facebook and roll my eyes at this Christian post, and that Christian post. I find it annoying to see extremely Christian posts in my news feed. Just today I got two different friends posting about how great their megachurches are, and how much they love Jesus. I find these posts really annoying, but interesting. Interesting because I'm just as guilty of it. Here's some examples from March:
"The Gods help those who help themselves. It's high time I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my weapon, and fight back."
"Hail be to Frigga! Anyone have good ideas for offerings I can give her?"
"A very happy Freya/ Frigga/ Freyr's (whichever you might be honoring today) day to you all. I feel like I should get some sort of regular rotation between the three, but that would require me to have regular rituals, and the closest I've gotten to that is Washing Day."
"Computer battery is getting low, guess that means it's time to actually finish this washing day huh? There's not much left, I did most of the big stuff yesterday. Maybe I'll use the extra time for a rune casting, it's been awhile."
All of these are likely just as annoying to my Christian, and Atheist friends, especially the first one. So what was my point in posting that? To convert my friends? To please my Gods? To scream at my friends "I AM PAGAN!"?
I don't really care what religion my friends are because I believe any path is capable of bringing someone happiness. Therefor, I don't believe conversion was my goal.
I don't feel like my Gods care about my Facebook statuses. So, I likely didn't post these to bring a smile to Ullr's face.
I believe most of my Pagan central posts are to announce my Paganism to my friends... who already know I'm Pagan. Similarly, when a Christian posts Christian central content, they are announcing their Christianity to people who likely already have been made aware of their beliefs. It's posturing, and annoying to me, and likely annoying to my friends. Facebook probably isn't the best place to share religious messages, outside of religious groups and pages of course.
So, to sum up: I'm irritated by Christians posting things that announce to the world that the sky is blue. I, however, love to tell people that the grass is green. We all need to shut up about the obvious.
"The Gods help those who help themselves. It's high time I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my weapon, and fight back."
"Hail be to Frigga! Anyone have good ideas for offerings I can give her?"
"A very happy Freya/ Frigga/ Freyr's (whichever you might be honoring today) day to you all. I feel like I should get some sort of regular rotation between the three, but that would require me to have regular rituals, and the closest I've gotten to that is Washing Day."
"Computer battery is getting low, guess that means it's time to actually finish this washing day huh? There's not much left, I did most of the big stuff yesterday. Maybe I'll use the extra time for a rune casting, it's been awhile."
All of these are likely just as annoying to my Christian, and Atheist friends, especially the first one. So what was my point in posting that? To convert my friends? To please my Gods? To scream at my friends "I AM PAGAN!"?
I don't really care what religion my friends are because I believe any path is capable of bringing someone happiness. Therefor, I don't believe conversion was my goal.
I don't feel like my Gods care about my Facebook statuses. So, I likely didn't post these to bring a smile to Ullr's face.
I believe most of my Pagan central posts are to announce my Paganism to my friends... who already know I'm Pagan. Similarly, when a Christian posts Christian central content, they are announcing their Christianity to people who likely already have been made aware of their beliefs. It's posturing, and annoying to me, and likely annoying to my friends. Facebook probably isn't the best place to share religious messages, outside of religious groups and pages of course.
So, to sum up: I'm irritated by Christians posting things that announce to the world that the sky is blue. I, however, love to tell people that the grass is green. We all need to shut up about the obvious.
Friday, March 1, 2013
My Family's Bubble
Recently I attended my Grandfather's funeral, as a Pagan I wasn't worried about eternal damnation or anything like that for him. I believe that everyone's God will care for their followers. He was a good Mormon, so Jesus will take care of him, and should Jesus turn his back on my Grandfather, Thor will gladly have him at his feasting table in Asgard. I cry at funerals out of 100% selfishness. I cry because in my mind you die when I want you to, which means most people in my life should out live me. In my Grandfather's case I wanted him to hear that my husband and I were going to have a baby. I have found that many people don't understand this, or maybe they just don't want to understand it. Before, during and after the funeral I encountered something that I have always sensed with my family. I wasn't entirely sure what it was until now.
I encountered what I like to call "The Religious Bubble" or for my family specifically "The Mormon Bubble". I converted to Paganism around the age of 16 but didn't tell my parents for almost a year and a half. My family is Mormon, so therefor, I was expelled from the bubble. When you are in the bubble you know when people get married or have a baby, what they do for a living, the fact that someone is getting a divorce, when someone is sick etc. In the bubble you are in the know. Outside the bubble your knowledge about your own family is patchy at best. You have to ask to be told, somehow I have to sense that there is news in my family. It's almost as if in the bubble you are a family member, and out of the bubble you are a user who isn't paying $19.95 a month for a membership.
At the viewing, I asked my Grandmother how she was doing and she replied by saying that her faith keeps her going, I commented that it was good for her that she had it. She continued to say how she didn't know how people who don't believe in life after death can live, and gave me quite the look. I quickly excused myself and avoided her for the rest of the funeral. It probably was not the best course of action, but I didn't want to have another awkward conversation or upset her anymore. Later I was at my parent's house and my younger sister was saying "Grandpa dead" I humorously asked my mother if she found it creepy that my little sister was a little obsessed with death. My mother didn't miss a beat when she told me, "Not when you think that to her death means something else." Despite the fact that death essentially is the same for both of us. Where inside the bubble my family silently opposed my lifestyle, now they are vocal about it.
Living outside the bubble I get these interactions with my family a lot. It may be partially because I haven't exactly indoctrinated my family in my beliefs, but I get the feeling that they don't want to know. I am exiled, branded, and I'm sure in some minds evil. Everything about their religion tells them I am wrong and will bring them to hell with me. The Bible even calls for my execution. At times like this, I miss being inside the bubble. My family is still there for me and they still love me, but the bubble is safe and excepting. I wouldn't want to go back to Mormonism, I have made my life choices and will continue on my spiritual path. Being here, I'm judged harshly. One drink of champagne on New Years means I'm an alcoholic. Buying a pipe for my husband means he smokes marijuana despite the pipe being for tobacco and therefor incapable of holding the heat necessary to burn marijuana. I'm a Satan worshiper who deals with demons even though I don't deal with spirits of any kind or even believe in Satan.
I can't be the only person who has experienced this, has anyone else encountered a bubble around their family? Was it raised for Religion? Politics? Sexual orientation? or something else? Have you found other family members on the out? Any advice on how to deal with this? I live quite a ways away from my family and I'm actually about to move farther. I'm trying to get into the habit of calling and writing family, but any other advice would be appreciated.
I encountered what I like to call "The Religious Bubble" or for my family specifically "The Mormon Bubble". I converted to Paganism around the age of 16 but didn't tell my parents for almost a year and a half. My family is Mormon, so therefor, I was expelled from the bubble. When you are in the bubble you know when people get married or have a baby, what they do for a living, the fact that someone is getting a divorce, when someone is sick etc. In the bubble you are in the know. Outside the bubble your knowledge about your own family is patchy at best. You have to ask to be told, somehow I have to sense that there is news in my family. It's almost as if in the bubble you are a family member, and out of the bubble you are a user who isn't paying $19.95 a month for a membership.
At the viewing, I asked my Grandmother how she was doing and she replied by saying that her faith keeps her going, I commented that it was good for her that she had it. She continued to say how she didn't know how people who don't believe in life after death can live, and gave me quite the look. I quickly excused myself and avoided her for the rest of the funeral. It probably was not the best course of action, but I didn't want to have another awkward conversation or upset her anymore. Later I was at my parent's house and my younger sister was saying "Grandpa dead" I humorously asked my mother if she found it creepy that my little sister was a little obsessed with death. My mother didn't miss a beat when she told me, "Not when you think that to her death means something else." Despite the fact that death essentially is the same for both of us. Where inside the bubble my family silently opposed my lifestyle, now they are vocal about it.
Living outside the bubble I get these interactions with my family a lot. It may be partially because I haven't exactly indoctrinated my family in my beliefs, but I get the feeling that they don't want to know. I am exiled, branded, and I'm sure in some minds evil. Everything about their religion tells them I am wrong and will bring them to hell with me. The Bible even calls for my execution. At times like this, I miss being inside the bubble. My family is still there for me and they still love me, but the bubble is safe and excepting. I wouldn't want to go back to Mormonism, I have made my life choices and will continue on my spiritual path. Being here, I'm judged harshly. One drink of champagne on New Years means I'm an alcoholic. Buying a pipe for my husband means he smokes marijuana despite the pipe being for tobacco and therefor incapable of holding the heat necessary to burn marijuana. I'm a Satan worshiper who deals with demons even though I don't deal with spirits of any kind or even believe in Satan.
I can't be the only person who has experienced this, has anyone else encountered a bubble around their family? Was it raised for Religion? Politics? Sexual orientation? or something else? Have you found other family members on the out? Any advice on how to deal with this? I live quite a ways away from my family and I'm actually about to move farther. I'm trying to get into the habit of calling and writing family, but any other advice would be appreciated.
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