Recently I attended my Grandfather's funeral, as a Pagan I wasn't worried about eternal damnation or anything like that for him. I believe that everyone's God will care for their followers. He was a good Mormon, so Jesus will take care of him, and should Jesus turn his back on my Grandfather, Thor will gladly have him at his feasting table in Asgard. I cry at funerals out of 100% selfishness. I cry because in my mind you die when I want you to, which means most people in my life should out live me. In my Grandfather's case I wanted him to hear that my husband and I were going to have a baby. I have found that many people don't understand this, or maybe they just don't want to understand it. Before, during and after the funeral I encountered something that I have always sensed with my family. I wasn't entirely sure what it was until now.
I encountered what I like to call "The Religious Bubble" or for my family specifically "The Mormon Bubble". I converted to Paganism around the age of 16 but didn't tell my parents for almost a year and a half. My family is Mormon, so therefor, I was expelled from the bubble. When you are in the bubble you know when people get married or have a baby, what they do for a living, the fact that someone is getting a divorce, when someone is sick etc. In the bubble you are in the know. Outside the bubble your knowledge about your own family is patchy at best. You have to ask to be told, somehow I have to sense that there is news in my family. It's almost as if in the bubble you are a family member, and out of the bubble you are a user who isn't paying $19.95 a month for a membership.
At the viewing, I asked my Grandmother how she was doing and she replied by saying that her faith keeps her going, I commented that it was good for her that she had it. She continued to say how she didn't know how people who don't believe in life after death can live, and gave me quite the look. I quickly excused myself and avoided her for the rest of the funeral. It probably was not the best course of action, but I didn't want to have another awkward conversation or upset her anymore. Later I was at my parent's house and my younger sister was saying "Grandpa dead" I humorously asked my mother if she found it creepy that my little sister was a little obsessed with death. My mother didn't miss a beat when she told me, "Not when you think that to her death means something else." Despite the fact that death essentially is the same for both of us. Where inside the bubble my family silently opposed my lifestyle, now they are vocal about it.
Living outside the bubble I get these interactions with my family a lot. It may be partially because I haven't exactly indoctrinated my family in my beliefs, but I get the feeling that they don't want to know. I am exiled, branded, and I'm sure in some minds evil. Everything about their religion tells them I am wrong and will bring them to hell with me. The Bible even calls for my execution. At times like this, I miss being inside the bubble. My family is still there for me and they still love me, but the bubble is safe and excepting. I wouldn't want to go back to Mormonism, I have made my life choices and will continue on my spiritual path. Being here, I'm judged harshly. One drink of champagne on New Years means I'm an alcoholic. Buying a pipe for my husband means he smokes marijuana despite the pipe being for tobacco and therefor incapable of holding the heat necessary to burn marijuana. I'm a Satan worshiper who deals with demons even though I don't deal with spirits of any kind or even believe in Satan.
I can't be the only person who has experienced this, has anyone else encountered a bubble around their family? Was it raised for Religion? Politics? Sexual orientation? or something else? Have you found other family members on the out? Any advice on how to deal with this? I live quite a ways away from my family and I'm actually about to move farther. I'm trying to get into the habit of calling and writing family, but any other advice would be appreciated.
