Frigga, and Freya

I feel compelled to write about my beliefs on the Goddess(es) Frigga and/or Freya.
There are many arguments in the heathen community about whether or not these two are the same goddess, or two independent beings. There are very good arguments for both sides, and I will try to display both in an equal manner (despite my own opinions).

One Goddess arguments:
Freya and Frigga are two names for the same goddess. The spelling and pronunciation varies by region, but she is the same woman. She is married to the Wanderer Od or Odin. She is a Goddess of Love, fertility and general femininity. She is well versed in Magic and is a strong warrior. She is associated with magic, fertility, childbirth, love, femininity, and matriarchy. The split came from a simple miscommunication.

Two Goddesses arguments:
The personalities of these two are too varied to be the same Goddess. Freya is a sensual woman, and a warrior. She is associated with cats, and the Valkyries. She represents an important point in a young woman's life where she defines herself, and sets herself up for future success with or without a family. Frigga is past that point and is now a Mother. She is focused on her children's well being and future. Frigga is calm and refined, she is a seer and mother. Frigga is associated with storks, spinning, marriage, and children. There is also insufficient ancient linguistic evidence to support the idea that these are the same names, for the same being.

My views:
I should probably explain a bit how I view the Gods in general. Our Gods are the consciousness of various aspects of life. The best examples are Thor and Odin. Thor is the name we have given the consciousness of our atmosphere (I'll post a-whole-nother blog about this theory). Odin is the name we have given to enlightenment. Keeping that in mind:
I'm honestly, still trying to figure it out. I believe it's clear that Freya is a Maiden, and Frigga is a Mother. That however doesn't mean that they are two separate beings. After all, every Mother was once a Maiden. And as Matt Smith's Doctor pointed out:

I believe the Feminine Goddess of the Norse is a growing and changing Goddess. When she was young, she was Freya, then she became Frigga, and she might be someone else entirely now. Invoking Freya will still call her presence to you. Also, at the same time you could invoke Frigga and receive a different presence. They are incarnations of the same Goddess. They live independently of each other. They can have a conversation with one another, go out for coffee together, but they are the same being. They are the consciousness of femininity. Femininity is complex and layered, we are mothers, but we were also maidens, and we're becoming crones.

TLDR? Frigga and Freya are the same timelord named Femininity.... maybe....

Flat Lined

As an Army wife (or oil field wife because you girls have it just as bad) your hopes are always on a roller coaster. He's coming home, he's leaving, you're going on vacation, plans have changed. To ride these emotions, not just every month or so, but every day is exhausting. Many wives, myself included, go numb. We flat line ourselves at no hope so that anything good that happens is a pleasant surprise, and all the bad is what we expected. Usually we believe this only applies to our husband's job, but in my experience, that' snot the case. It spreads into other aspects of your life, and clouds your mind with storms. This, is no way to live. There is no joy in this, it's a coping/ defense mechanism, and I feel like we really should break out of it. So my dears, what lights fires in your soul? What wakes your heart's drummer? What sparks your eyes and ignites your brain? I know what mine is. Please comment with your own.

I sort of lament that I found archery after Brave and Hunger Games came out. They weren't my reasons, or driving forces for getting into it, but every shop I've been to expects that from me. I can't say that I blame them for it either. No, my driving force is my soul. The first time I shot a bow...I was at girl's camp and there was no way 12 year old me was going to get that 30lbs compound bow to work for me, but my 2nd time shooting; I felt amazing, like I had been stumbling around in a dark room my whole life, and only just now had found the switch. I once told my husband that when I shoot, I am truly happy, the numbness that I've wrapped around my soul is lifted, and I can breathe again. When I shoot, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am precise, and unlike most things, if I fail and miss my target, I don't beat myself up, I correct and shoot again. I don't waist my time at the range wishing I did better, like I used to do after work every night at the theater. I leave the range with my head held high, proud of the progress I've made. My biggest downfall when I shoot is how excited I am to shoot. I get overexcited and forget to lower my elbow, or relax my wrists, or turn my hips. This will likely be my biggest hurdle throughout my archery career.

Oh yes, you read right, career. It has occurred to Kelson and I that he, being an introvert, and I , being an extrovert, would both be happier if I were to bring home the bacon. I rather like this idea, but I was really concerned over what on earth I could do to support my family, when we were finally done with the military. Admittedly, I had a very hard time thinking up anything that I could do to bring in enough money to support my family.When I pictured wealthy bread winning women, I always pictured someone well dressed walking around an office of some sort in a skyscraper.... That is not me. So I looked at my interests: Theater? No money to be had there. Designing? Yeah, that could work. In fact fashion design was my goal for awhile, then I picked up my bow again. The last time I had gone shooting was 10 months ago. My husband, probably sensing how numb I had become to everything around me, decided that we would go to the range on the weekend. Just holding my bow again made me giddy, and let's not get into what running my fingers down the fletching does to me. I was happy, really happy. Some time after I was thinking again about careers, and thought of that old saying. "find what you love, then find someone to pay you for it". I love Archery, now I just needed to find a way to get paid for it.

There's always tournaments, but they aren't really "supporting a family" income. My brother suggested big game hunting, sell 90% of the meat, keep some for my freezer, that way I literally bring home the bacon, and get money too. This is great, but I feel it depends too heavily on hunting seasons, and my ability to hunt down, not only an animal, but a buyer too. I could very easily do the first two ideas in conjunction with a day job, but how much time would I have with my family afterwards? Then, I looked into coaching. Turns out, that, maybe coupled with maybe a part-time job until I get a good amount of students, coaching could very likely support my family. I am currently looking into my own archery coach, and one day I will be able to not only do what I love, but get paid for it.

The key to avoiding the emotional flat line, is find something that you love (we all love our husbands, but let's face it, they aren't really dependable thanks to their jobs), and set a high, but obtainable goal for it. Yes, it's a distraction, yes, it's a coping/defense mechanism, but it's a much healthier one than the flat line, and you know it. So, revisit what you love to do, maybe find a new something, because, you don't deserve to be numb, you deserve to be happy. No,not happy, you deserve to set your soul on fire with joy. :-) 

Talking to the Runes

I was able to squeeze in a rune casting session while Rayne was taking a nap the other day, I feel inclined to tell you all about it.
First off, I should explain how I use the runes. When I cast runes I use an Elder Futhark set. I usually sit on the floor with a cloth in front of me. I gather all the tiles into my hands and cast them much like throwing dice. I then observe the runes that land face up starting with the ones closest to me. Whether or not the Gods talk to me through these means is irrelevant. I like to think that they do, but if not, it makes for a very good meditation practice. I feel like this should be a regular post topic for this blog.

Elder Futhark  alphabet with their Arabic alphabet counterparts

I had four questions, four castings. Because of the shear number of runes that I read, I figure I'll only focus on one of my questions. "Should I focus on becoming a Vitki?" To explain, a Vitki is an expert on the runes, especially their healing and other magical aspects. I believe the bindrunes I made for Rayne's birth worked out very well, and ever since have wanted to do more. This is the runes that landed right-side up.
Isa- Calm controlled
Thurisaz- Strategy, risk
Sowelo-energy, self-control
Jera-benefit, healing
Mannaz-meditation, influence
Eihwaz- secret magic, intuition
Pertho- control the situation
Ansuz-wisdom, study, useful, counsel
Uruz-freedom, power
Hagalaz- caution, sacrifice
Laguz- medicine spirituality
Dagaz-New cycle

This is the message that I got-
Be careful, the runes are very powerful. They can heal, they can hurt. So, know your craft well before you try to help anyone. You will do well in this role.


Anyone get other impressions from this? Other Rune meanings? Other interpretations?

If you use the runes, how? If not, What are your thoughts on them?

Maidenhood, Motherhood, and a Unicorn

I have always loved the movie "The Last Unicorn". I've been watching my parent's recorded VHS copy of it since I was very little and because I'm a girly girl, I loved every second of it. As an adult I found a dvd release of it and jumped on it. I'm very glad that I did. As an adult, you pick up on things that you wouldn't think of as a child. Mainly, how Maidenhood, Motherhood, and the transition between the two is so wonderfully explained. Now, keep in mind, I have not yet read Peter S. Beagle's book (it's on a very long list of things to read), so, if you have read the book, and can provide more insight on my observations, I gladly welcome it. Also, there is no such thing as spoilers for a book and movie that came out over 2 (now almost 3) decades ago.

Maidenhood is a concept very familiar to Pagan women, though I understand that many people may not be aware of what it is exactly. For many Pagan traditions a woman will go through three stages of life: The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. Being that I'm really only familiar with Maidenhood, understand that most of this is not very well educated guessing, if you believe my assumptions are incorrect, please comment with your own views. I really do love to hear other points of view. That said, let's discuss what I've come to understand about the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone.

The Maiden is the youngest, full of life and vigor, she thinks little of the past or future, and focuses on the here and now. She is oftentimes thought of as the most beautiful and free-spirited of the three. She is usually very sure of herself and rarely makes a step she did not intend, even if the step ends horribly for her. Most of all, the Maiden, is innocent, and a touch naive. She is sure of herself, but doesn't actually know herself. She has yet to fully define, and understand herself, and her thoughts. Despite this, she knows that she is capable of great things.

The Mother is aware of the past, present and future, and depending on circumstance, she may live in any of them. She is careful, and productive. She has learned from her past, continues to learn today, and will be ready to learn tomorrow. The Mother has made mistakes in the past, and will try to avoid them in the future, but might dwell on them too. She might long for her days as a Maiden. The Mother has defined who she is, and she understands herself and her thoughts better than when she was a Maiden, but may still have some work to do. She is sure of herself, but unlike the Maiden, she has found her flaws and weaknesses.

The Crone is the eldest stage of a woman's life. She is living in the present again, as she did when she was a Maiden. Her past has taught her well, and her future is short, the present is the best place for her. She is unsurpassed in both wisdom, and confidence. She has defined herself, she is aware of her flaws and weaknesses, and she now uses them to her advantage. She is fully aware of all the great things she can accomplish, and no one is going to be able to stop her.

The Unicorns in Mr. Beagle's world, are the embodiment of Maidenhood itself. They are immortal, incapable of regret, and beautiful. When Molly meets the last of the unicorns, she is filled with anger. As a child, I never understood why. As an adult, I think I might have an idea. Being the embodiment of Maidenhood, a visit from a unicorn would do a woman the most good when she was a Maiden, or even when she is in the transition from Maiden to Mother. Molly however, is far past both those points. She hasn't been a Maiden in so long, and her transition was likely a painful (possibly unwilling) one. Molly is a Mother, who wishes to be a Maiden again. To see the embodiment of what she wishes she could be again, is frustrating. She sees in the Unicorn, her own Maidenhood. Poor Molly, in that moment, sees everything she wants to be, and everything she knows she can never be. Thus the "Damn You!". However, Molly is also aware of herself, and is quick to forgive those, who she knows have not intentionally hurt her. She joins the unicorn for many reasons; to spare other Maidens from her poor experiences by saving the other unicorns, and also to protect the last remnant of her Maidenhood left on this earth.

When the unicorn is turned human, she is not only brought from immortality to mortality, but Maidenhood, to Motherhood. Molly reacts to this very strongly. Not even when it's in physical form can she protect and preserve Maidenhood. The Unicorn reacts is a way that is very telling of how traumatic the transition can be. She insists on her being a Unicorn (maiden), and comments on how her new body is dying, and scares her. She also tries to harm her new body. Molly is quick to stop her from doing so, likely knowing exactly what would happen if she didn't. Molly has just witnessed her own transition from Maiden to Mother all over again. It wasn't pleasant the first time, and it certainly isn't pleasant now.

As the human Lady Amalthea, the Unicorn begins to define herself. Instead of identifying as a just a unicorn, and nothing else, she now calls herself a woman, and has her own personal name. The things that were important to her before: her forest and her kind, take a back seat to her new priorities, namely, Prince Leer. She forgets much of her old self, and this leaves her with a feeling that something is missing. Molly tries to remind Amalthea of the fact that she is a unicorn, but Amalthea continues to call herself a woman. She is starting to define herself, and not just accept the names that others have given her. Where the Unicorn was a Maiden, the Lady Amalthea, is a Mother.

After realizing this I patted myself on the back and said "Att'a Girl!". I thought I had cracked this whole thing wide open... Then I started to think. It seems incomplete. We have Maiden, and Mother, but might there be a Crone representation in this story too? Well, yes, there is.

When Amalthea is turned back into a Unicorn, she is changed. She is no longer the embodiment of Maidenhood, she can't be. Once one has left Maidenhood, she cannot return to it. Amalthea is also not like the other unicorns. She can, and does regret, none of the others can do that. She has experienced mortality, which is something no other immortal being can say. She has felt the seconds kill her slowly, and she has felt the decades have no effect. This experience alone, is enough to bring her to Crone status.

Watching this movie as an adult, has been a wonderful experience for me. I've always been a bit fuzzy on the details of the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. As a learning Pagan, this is has been really helpful for me. Especially with my own transition from Maiden to Mother rounding out. I may feel like I've lost myself, I may feel like my life is over, that my body is "dying all around me", but like Amalthea, I will learn from this, and I'll survive it, and in the end, I will be better for it.

Though I will say, this movie does make Motherhood seem less desirable than Cronehood. I'm almost looking forward to my Cronehood more than my Motherhood.... One step at a time Becca.

Wondering how Hypocritical I am

I often times go through my Facebook and roll my eyes at this Christian post, and that Christian post. I find it annoying to see extremely Christian posts in my news feed. Just today I got two different friends posting about how great their megachurches are, and how much they love Jesus. I find these posts really annoying, but interesting. Interesting because I'm just as guilty of it. Here's some examples from March:
"The Gods help those who help themselves. It's high time I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my weapon, and fight back."
"Hail be to Frigga! Anyone have good ideas for offerings I can give her?"
"A very happy Freya/ Frigga/ Freyr's (whichever you might be honoring today) day to you all. I feel like I should get some sort of regular rotation between the three, but that would require me to have regular rituals, and the closest I've gotten to that is Washing Day."
"Computer battery is getting low, guess that means it's time to actually finish this washing day huh? There's not much left, I did most of the big stuff yesterday. Maybe I'll use the extra time for a rune casting, it's been awhile."

All of these are likely just as annoying to my Christian, and Atheist friends, especially the first one. So what was my point in posting that? To convert my friends? To please my Gods? To scream at my friends "I AM PAGAN!"?

I don't really care what religion my friends are because I believe any path is capable of bringing someone happiness. Therefor, I don't believe conversion was my goal.
I don't feel like my Gods care about my Facebook statuses. So, I likely didn't post these to bring a smile to Ullr's face.
I believe most of my Pagan central posts are to announce my Paganism to my friends... who already know I'm Pagan. Similarly, when a Christian posts Christian central content, they are announcing their Christianity to people who likely already have been made aware of their beliefs. It's posturing, and annoying to me, and likely annoying to my friends. Facebook probably isn't the best place to share religious messages, outside of religious groups and pages of course.

So, to sum up: I'm irritated by Christians posting things that announce to the world that the sky is blue. I, however, love to tell people that the grass is green. We all need to shut up about the obvious.

Why do you like me so much? I'm a bitch

I don't know what I've done to make my Gods elect to help me out so much, but they certainly are quick and efficient about it. I'm really not used to it.
Being raised Christian I was taught that God will help you, if, when, and how, he believes you should be helped. I was a flawed being, my mere existence a stain on my God's otherwise perfect creation. He sacrificed so much for me and I couldn't even get through a day without disappointing him. When I prayed it was like applying for a credit card when you are a homemaker. It's worth a shot, but don't hold your breath. Hopefully, this is not how most Christians see their relationship with God, but it's how I interpreted it. This led me to ask for less and less from my God. I was often told to pray for help. "Ask God for anything and everything, and he'll give it to you (if it's right for you)." But I was becoming more and more self-sufficient. I didn't need anything from him. I had already learned how to do it myself, or do without. And when you've been told that your relationship with God should be one where you "Need [him] every hour", and you find yourself going weeks without needing him, it's hard to have a relationship with him.
My relationship with the Aesir and Vanir is much different from my relationship with my old Christian God. They are much more like friends than a credit card company. If you've helped them in the past, or they just really like you, and it's in their power to do so, they'll help you out. I feel like it's a much healthier relationship for me. However, I hit a snag every time I ask for something from my Gods. I rarely give my Gods anything. I know, "Bad heathen" When it comes to offerings I never know what they might like. When it comes to blots, I'm unsure of what to do (being that I am still fairly new to Asatru). I also rarely simply commune with them; my last Rune casting was New Years. The only thing I can think my Gods get from me, is a follower, who believes herself honorable, but doesn't get tested much either. I have a hard time seeing this as enough, but just about every time I ask for aid, in anyway, my Gods are quick and efficient in lending it. Why is this?
Is it that my bar for receiving aid from the divine is really so low?
Is it that I really have done something they like, and I'm just unaware of it?
Do they really just like me that much? If so, why? I haven't really done anything noteworthy with my life, and I've done even less for my religious community.
It's something I wonder about, I keep trying to improve myself, but where I am now, I can't fathom why the Gods would look so kindly on me. Thoughts?

Did you know having a kid changes your life forever? Go figure.

I recently saw a post on my Facebook feed that honestly, pissed me off. It shows up periodically, and everytime I see it I find more wrong with it. It's a long one so I'm going to do this; The lighter and smaller text is from the post, the darker larger text is my opinion on the matter.


We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 
No shit? I've never heard that before. Please tell me more useless nonsense, and let's continue to avoid the question.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. 
Well, they are childbirth, not child-rearing classes...
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
I often see stories and worry about if it was my child, or my husband, my brother, my mother, my father, etc. Empathy, is not exculsive to mothers.
That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. 
I feel like I can grant this one, being that I have yet to be completely responsible for another being's nutrition. My cat eats on her own, I just fill the bowl... and only when my husband doesn't have time to.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I would drop the same silly things if I heard my husband, mother, grandparents, or siblings call for me in the same way. When people you care about need you, you drop things to go to them. This is again, not exclusive to mothers.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. 
Again, I suppose I can grant this one, but I still feel like it depends on the woman, maybe she really enjoys her career. Let's not even get into the struggle that fathers have to go through, having the social stigma to be the breadwinners, but having the same urges. Let's not underestimate our men shall we?
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. 
I really hope this amount of paranoia doesn't take hold of me. I understand where it comes from, but I also feel like if we try to shelter our children from every bad person or thing, we aren't raising strong people, we are raising victims. Teach your child how to deal with shady people and avoid this whole paraniod silliness altogether.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Well I second guess if I should have taken that route to the grocery store or a different one, so looky there, nothing changes... again
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. 
Are we going to go into this?
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. 
So, is that a 'No'? Also, you just said that she'll be willing to sacrifice herself for these tiny humans, but will want to be alive to see them happy... Sorry, thought that was just called love, and it was not exclusive to parenthood at all.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. 
This is one of the worst lines in this thing. If you are capable of accepting these scars, I applaud you. However, I will admit, that I am very vain, and flaws in my appearance bother me a lot. If I don't like something about my body, I will change it. I already have quite a few stretch marks on my butt and thighs and several breakdowns because of them. I can't ever see myself looking at those hideous things and being proud of them. A hideous badge of honor, is still hideous, despite the honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. 
Another one that I'll grant, my husband and I were at a friends house and he helped them with their youngest who was a bit fussy. Seeing this little one cuddle into my husband's chest and to see my husband wrap his arms around him and comfort him, was really cute.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. 
I don't think those reasons will ever be romantic. You can fall in love with someone for unromantic reasons, granted romance is usually a big part of it. There are unromantic moments that have made me love my husband more than the day before, and I don't think I need a child to be capable of that.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. 
I can't help but feel like this one is a bit back-handed. Sure the mothers who have fought against these things are driven, but there are other reasons to fight against these things than you have a child. It almost makes all the other activists seem like they aren't as important as the mother's.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. 
THESE are things that I don't yet know, this is what I was looking for through the whole post, why are there only two lines of this?
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. 
Because all the joy you've felt before wasn't real. Clearly, this woman has never had her husband come home from a deployment... or hell, just call during the deployment.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say.
I have met plenty of women who regret having children when they did. You'll never regret having the child, but you might regret how, when, why, and with whom, you had children. 
Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Motherhood is not for everyone, do not assume that it's the "most wonderful of callings" when for many women, it isn't even on their radar. I get that motherhood is cool, but honestly, I have a hard time seeing a mother on such a high pedestal, for simply being a mother, that she looks down on everyone else. Also, again, leaving out the men.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart."
Well isn't that just precious? I don't think there is an image, gif, video, or emoticon in existence that emulates the large amount of eye-role this gets from me. This post acts like poetry, like it's some form of wonderful wave of enlightenment. As someone who enjoys poetry, this is awful. It's just babble; talking about motherhood, without actually saying anything about motherhood. You want to do that? Write a blog. :-)