Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Why do you like me so much? I'm a bitch

I don't know what I've done to make my Gods elect to help me out so much, but they certainly are quick and efficient about it. I'm really not used to it.
Being raised Christian I was taught that God will help you, if, when, and how, he believes you should be helped. I was a flawed being, my mere existence a stain on my God's otherwise perfect creation. He sacrificed so much for me and I couldn't even get through a day without disappointing him. When I prayed it was like applying for a credit card when you are a homemaker. It's worth a shot, but don't hold your breath. Hopefully, this is not how most Christians see their relationship with God, but it's how I interpreted it. This led me to ask for less and less from my God. I was often told to pray for help. "Ask God for anything and everything, and he'll give it to you (if it's right for you)." But I was becoming more and more self-sufficient. I didn't need anything from him. I had already learned how to do it myself, or do without. And when you've been told that your relationship with God should be one where you "Need [him] every hour", and you find yourself going weeks without needing him, it's hard to have a relationship with him.
My relationship with the Aesir and Vanir is much different from my relationship with my old Christian God. They are much more like friends than a credit card company. If you've helped them in the past, or they just really like you, and it's in their power to do so, they'll help you out. I feel like it's a much healthier relationship for me. However, I hit a snag every time I ask for something from my Gods. I rarely give my Gods anything. I know, "Bad heathen" When it comes to offerings I never know what they might like. When it comes to blots, I'm unsure of what to do (being that I am still fairly new to Asatru). I also rarely simply commune with them; my last Rune casting was New Years. The only thing I can think my Gods get from me, is a follower, who believes herself honorable, but doesn't get tested much either. I have a hard time seeing this as enough, but just about every time I ask for aid, in anyway, my Gods are quick and efficient in lending it. Why is this?
Is it that my bar for receiving aid from the divine is really so low?
Is it that I really have done something they like, and I'm just unaware of it?
Do they really just like me that much? If so, why? I haven't really done anything noteworthy with my life, and I've done even less for my religious community.
It's something I wonder about, I keep trying to improve myself, but where I am now, I can't fathom why the Gods would look so kindly on me. Thoughts?

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