Maidenhood, Motherhood, and a Unicorn

I have always loved the movie "The Last Unicorn". I've been watching my parent's recorded VHS copy of it since I was very little and because I'm a girly girl, I loved every second of it. As an adult I found a dvd release of it and jumped on it. I'm very glad that I did. As an adult, you pick up on things that you wouldn't think of as a child. Mainly, how Maidenhood, Motherhood, and the transition between the two is so wonderfully explained. Now, keep in mind, I have not yet read Peter S. Beagle's book (it's on a very long list of things to read), so, if you have read the book, and can provide more insight on my observations, I gladly welcome it. Also, there is no such thing as spoilers for a book and movie that came out over 2 (now almost 3) decades ago.

Maidenhood is a concept very familiar to Pagan women, though I understand that many people may not be aware of what it is exactly. For many Pagan traditions a woman will go through three stages of life: The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. Being that I'm really only familiar with Maidenhood, understand that most of this is not very well educated guessing, if you believe my assumptions are incorrect, please comment with your own views. I really do love to hear other points of view. That said, let's discuss what I've come to understand about the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone.

The Maiden is the youngest, full of life and vigor, she thinks little of the past or future, and focuses on the here and now. She is oftentimes thought of as the most beautiful and free-spirited of the three. She is usually very sure of herself and rarely makes a step she did not intend, even if the step ends horribly for her. Most of all, the Maiden, is innocent, and a touch naive. She is sure of herself, but doesn't actually know herself. She has yet to fully define, and understand herself, and her thoughts. Despite this, she knows that she is capable of great things.

The Mother is aware of the past, present and future, and depending on circumstance, she may live in any of them. She is careful, and productive. She has learned from her past, continues to learn today, and will be ready to learn tomorrow. The Mother has made mistakes in the past, and will try to avoid them in the future, but might dwell on them too. She might long for her days as a Maiden. The Mother has defined who she is, and she understands herself and her thoughts better than when she was a Maiden, but may still have some work to do. She is sure of herself, but unlike the Maiden, she has found her flaws and weaknesses.

The Crone is the eldest stage of a woman's life. She is living in the present again, as she did when she was a Maiden. Her past has taught her well, and her future is short, the present is the best place for her. She is unsurpassed in both wisdom, and confidence. She has defined herself, she is aware of her flaws and weaknesses, and she now uses them to her advantage. She is fully aware of all the great things she can accomplish, and no one is going to be able to stop her.

The Unicorns in Mr. Beagle's world, are the embodiment of Maidenhood itself. They are immortal, incapable of regret, and beautiful. When Molly meets the last of the unicorns, she is filled with anger. As a child, I never understood why. As an adult, I think I might have an idea. Being the embodiment of Maidenhood, a visit from a unicorn would do a woman the most good when she was a Maiden, or even when she is in the transition from Maiden to Mother. Molly however, is far past both those points. She hasn't been a Maiden in so long, and her transition was likely a painful (possibly unwilling) one. Molly is a Mother, who wishes to be a Maiden again. To see the embodiment of what she wishes she could be again, is frustrating. She sees in the Unicorn, her own Maidenhood. Poor Molly, in that moment, sees everything she wants to be, and everything she knows she can never be. Thus the "Damn You!". However, Molly is also aware of herself, and is quick to forgive those, who she knows have not intentionally hurt her. She joins the unicorn for many reasons; to spare other Maidens from her poor experiences by saving the other unicorns, and also to protect the last remnant of her Maidenhood left on this earth.

When the unicorn is turned human, she is not only brought from immortality to mortality, but Maidenhood, to Motherhood. Molly reacts to this very strongly. Not even when it's in physical form can she protect and preserve Maidenhood. The Unicorn reacts is a way that is very telling of how traumatic the transition can be. She insists on her being a Unicorn (maiden), and comments on how her new body is dying, and scares her. She also tries to harm her new body. Molly is quick to stop her from doing so, likely knowing exactly what would happen if she didn't. Molly has just witnessed her own transition from Maiden to Mother all over again. It wasn't pleasant the first time, and it certainly isn't pleasant now.

As the human Lady Amalthea, the Unicorn begins to define herself. Instead of identifying as a just a unicorn, and nothing else, she now calls herself a woman, and has her own personal name. The things that were important to her before: her forest and her kind, take a back seat to her new priorities, namely, Prince Leer. She forgets much of her old self, and this leaves her with a feeling that something is missing. Molly tries to remind Amalthea of the fact that she is a unicorn, but Amalthea continues to call herself a woman. She is starting to define herself, and not just accept the names that others have given her. Where the Unicorn was a Maiden, the Lady Amalthea, is a Mother.

After realizing this I patted myself on the back and said "Att'a Girl!". I thought I had cracked this whole thing wide open... Then I started to think. It seems incomplete. We have Maiden, and Mother, but might there be a Crone representation in this story too? Well, yes, there is.

When Amalthea is turned back into a Unicorn, she is changed. She is no longer the embodiment of Maidenhood, she can't be. Once one has left Maidenhood, she cannot return to it. Amalthea is also not like the other unicorns. She can, and does regret, none of the others can do that. She has experienced mortality, which is something no other immortal being can say. She has felt the seconds kill her slowly, and she has felt the decades have no effect. This experience alone, is enough to bring her to Crone status.

Watching this movie as an adult, has been a wonderful experience for me. I've always been a bit fuzzy on the details of the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. As a learning Pagan, this is has been really helpful for me. Especially with my own transition from Maiden to Mother rounding out. I may feel like I've lost myself, I may feel like my life is over, that my body is "dying all around me", but like Amalthea, I will learn from this, and I'll survive it, and in the end, I will be better for it.

Though I will say, this movie does make Motherhood seem less desirable than Cronehood. I'm almost looking forward to my Cronehood more than my Motherhood.... One step at a time Becca.

Wondering how Hypocritical I am

I often times go through my Facebook and roll my eyes at this Christian post, and that Christian post. I find it annoying to see extremely Christian posts in my news feed. Just today I got two different friends posting about how great their megachurches are, and how much they love Jesus. I find these posts really annoying, but interesting. Interesting because I'm just as guilty of it. Here's some examples from March:
"The Gods help those who help themselves. It's high time I pick myself up, dust myself off, grab my weapon, and fight back."
"Hail be to Frigga! Anyone have good ideas for offerings I can give her?"
"A very happy Freya/ Frigga/ Freyr's (whichever you might be honoring today) day to you all. I feel like I should get some sort of regular rotation between the three, but that would require me to have regular rituals, and the closest I've gotten to that is Washing Day."
"Computer battery is getting low, guess that means it's time to actually finish this washing day huh? There's not much left, I did most of the big stuff yesterday. Maybe I'll use the extra time for a rune casting, it's been awhile."

All of these are likely just as annoying to my Christian, and Atheist friends, especially the first one. So what was my point in posting that? To convert my friends? To please my Gods? To scream at my friends "I AM PAGAN!"?

I don't really care what religion my friends are because I believe any path is capable of bringing someone happiness. Therefor, I don't believe conversion was my goal.
I don't feel like my Gods care about my Facebook statuses. So, I likely didn't post these to bring a smile to Ullr's face.
I believe most of my Pagan central posts are to announce my Paganism to my friends... who already know I'm Pagan. Similarly, when a Christian posts Christian central content, they are announcing their Christianity to people who likely already have been made aware of their beliefs. It's posturing, and annoying to me, and likely annoying to my friends. Facebook probably isn't the best place to share religious messages, outside of religious groups and pages of course.

So, to sum up: I'm irritated by Christians posting things that announce to the world that the sky is blue. I, however, love to tell people that the grass is green. We all need to shut up about the obvious.

Why do you like me so much? I'm a bitch

I don't know what I've done to make my Gods elect to help me out so much, but they certainly are quick and efficient about it. I'm really not used to it.
Being raised Christian I was taught that God will help you, if, when, and how, he believes you should be helped. I was a flawed being, my mere existence a stain on my God's otherwise perfect creation. He sacrificed so much for me and I couldn't even get through a day without disappointing him. When I prayed it was like applying for a credit card when you are a homemaker. It's worth a shot, but don't hold your breath. Hopefully, this is not how most Christians see their relationship with God, but it's how I interpreted it. This led me to ask for less and less from my God. I was often told to pray for help. "Ask God for anything and everything, and he'll give it to you (if it's right for you)." But I was becoming more and more self-sufficient. I didn't need anything from him. I had already learned how to do it myself, or do without. And when you've been told that your relationship with God should be one where you "Need [him] every hour", and you find yourself going weeks without needing him, it's hard to have a relationship with him.
My relationship with the Aesir and Vanir is much different from my relationship with my old Christian God. They are much more like friends than a credit card company. If you've helped them in the past, or they just really like you, and it's in their power to do so, they'll help you out. I feel like it's a much healthier relationship for me. However, I hit a snag every time I ask for something from my Gods. I rarely give my Gods anything. I know, "Bad heathen" When it comes to offerings I never know what they might like. When it comes to blots, I'm unsure of what to do (being that I am still fairly new to Asatru). I also rarely simply commune with them; my last Rune casting was New Years. The only thing I can think my Gods get from me, is a follower, who believes herself honorable, but doesn't get tested much either. I have a hard time seeing this as enough, but just about every time I ask for aid, in anyway, my Gods are quick and efficient in lending it. Why is this?
Is it that my bar for receiving aid from the divine is really so low?
Is it that I really have done something they like, and I'm just unaware of it?
Do they really just like me that much? If so, why? I haven't really done anything noteworthy with my life, and I've done even less for my religious community.
It's something I wonder about, I keep trying to improve myself, but where I am now, I can't fathom why the Gods would look so kindly on me. Thoughts?

Did you know having a kid changes your life forever? Go figure.

I recently saw a post on my Facebook feed that honestly, pissed me off. It shows up periodically, and everytime I see it I find more wrong with it. It's a long one so I'm going to do this; The lighter and smaller text is from the post, the darker larger text is my opinion on the matter.


We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 
No shit? I've never heard that before. Please tell me more useless nonsense, and let's continue to avoid the question.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. 
Well, they are childbirth, not child-rearing classes...
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. 
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
I often see stories and worry about if it was my child, or my husband, my brother, my mother, my father, etc. Empathy, is not exculsive to mothers.
That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. 
I feel like I can grant this one, being that I have yet to be completely responsible for another being's nutrition. My cat eats on her own, I just fill the bowl... and only when my husband doesn't have time to.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I would drop the same silly things if I heard my husband, mother, grandparents, or siblings call for me in the same way. When people you care about need you, you drop things to go to them. This is again, not exclusive to mothers.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. 
Again, I suppose I can grant this one, but I still feel like it depends on the woman, maybe she really enjoys her career. Let's not even get into the struggle that fathers have to go through, having the social stigma to be the breadwinners, but having the same urges. Let's not underestimate our men shall we?
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. 
I really hope this amount of paranoia doesn't take hold of me. I understand where it comes from, but I also feel like if we try to shelter our children from every bad person or thing, we aren't raising strong people, we are raising victims. Teach your child how to deal with shady people and avoid this whole paraniod silliness altogether.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Well I second guess if I should have taken that route to the grocery store or a different one, so looky there, nothing changes... again
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. 
Are we going to go into this?
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. 
So, is that a 'No'? Also, you just said that she'll be willing to sacrifice herself for these tiny humans, but will want to be alive to see them happy... Sorry, thought that was just called love, and it was not exclusive to parenthood at all.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. 
This is one of the worst lines in this thing. If you are capable of accepting these scars, I applaud you. However, I will admit, that I am very vain, and flaws in my appearance bother me a lot. If I don't like something about my body, I will change it. I already have quite a few stretch marks on my butt and thighs and several breakdowns because of them. I can't ever see myself looking at those hideous things and being proud of them. A hideous badge of honor, is still hideous, despite the honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. 
Another one that I'll grant, my husband and I were at a friends house and he helped them with their youngest who was a bit fussy. Seeing this little one cuddle into my husband's chest and to see my husband wrap his arms around him and comfort him, was really cute.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. 
I don't think those reasons will ever be romantic. You can fall in love with someone for unromantic reasons, granted romance is usually a big part of it. There are unromantic moments that have made me love my husband more than the day before, and I don't think I need a child to be capable of that.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. 
I can't help but feel like this one is a bit back-handed. Sure the mothers who have fought against these things are driven, but there are other reasons to fight against these things than you have a child. It almost makes all the other activists seem like they aren't as important as the mother's.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. 
THESE are things that I don't yet know, this is what I was looking for through the whole post, why are there only two lines of this?
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts. 
Because all the joy you've felt before wasn't real. Clearly, this woman has never had her husband come home from a deployment... or hell, just call during the deployment.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say.
I have met plenty of women who regret having children when they did. You'll never regret having the child, but you might regret how, when, why, and with whom, you had children. 
Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Motherhood is not for everyone, do not assume that it's the "most wonderful of callings" when for many women, it isn't even on their radar. I get that motherhood is cool, but honestly, I have a hard time seeing a mother on such a high pedestal, for simply being a mother, that she looks down on everyone else. Also, again, leaving out the men.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart."
Well isn't that just precious? I don't think there is an image, gif, video, or emoticon in existence that emulates the large amount of eye-role this gets from me. This post acts like poetry, like it's some form of wonderful wave of enlightenment. As someone who enjoys poetry, this is awful. It's just babble; talking about motherhood, without actually saying anything about motherhood. You want to do that? Write a blog. :-)

My Family's Bubble

Recently I attended my Grandfather's funeral, as a Pagan I wasn't worried about eternal damnation or anything like that for him. I believe that everyone's God will care for their followers. He was a good Mormon, so Jesus will take care of him, and should Jesus turn his back on my Grandfather, Thor will gladly have him at his feasting table in Asgard. I cry at funerals out of 100% selfishness. I cry because in my mind you die when I want you to, which means most people in my life should out live me. In my Grandfather's case I wanted him to hear that my husband and I were going to have a baby. I have found that many people don't understand this, or maybe they just don't want to understand it. Before, during and after the funeral I encountered something that I have always sensed with my family. I wasn't entirely sure what it was until now.

I encountered what I like to call "The Religious Bubble" or  for my family specifically "The Mormon Bubble". I converted to Paganism around the age of 16 but didn't tell my parents for almost a year and a half. My family is Mormon, so therefor, I was expelled from the bubble. When you are in the bubble you know when people get married or have a baby, what they do for a living, the fact that someone is getting a divorce, when someone is sick etc. In the bubble you are in the know. Outside the bubble your knowledge about your own family is patchy at best. You have to ask to be told, somehow I have to sense that there is news in my family. It's almost as if in the bubble you are a family member, and out of the bubble you are a user who isn't paying $19.95 a month for a membership.

At the viewing, I asked my Grandmother how she was doing and she replied by saying that her faith keeps her going, I commented that it was good for her that she had it. She continued to say how she didn't know how people who don't believe in life after death can live, and gave me quite the look. I quickly excused myself and avoided her for the rest of the funeral. It probably was not the best course of action, but I didn't want to have another awkward conversation or upset her anymore. Later I was at my parent's house and my younger sister was saying "Grandpa dead" I humorously asked my mother if she found it creepy that my little sister was a little obsessed with death. My mother didn't miss a beat when she told me, "Not when you think that to her death means something else." Despite the fact that death essentially is the same for both of us. Where inside the bubble my family silently opposed my lifestyle, now they are vocal about it.

Living outside the bubble I get these interactions with my family a lot. It may be partially because I haven't exactly indoctrinated my family in my beliefs, but I get the feeling that they don't want to know. I am exiled, branded, and I'm sure in some minds evil. Everything about their religion tells them I am wrong and will bring them to hell with me. The Bible even calls for my execution. At times like this, I miss being inside the bubble. My family is still there for me and they still love me, but the bubble is safe and excepting. I wouldn't want to go back to Mormonism, I have made my life choices and will continue on my spiritual path. Being here, I'm judged harshly. One drink of champagne on New Years means I'm an alcoholic. Buying a pipe for my husband means he smokes marijuana despite the pipe being for tobacco and therefor incapable of holding the heat necessary to burn marijuana. I'm a Satan worshiper who deals with demons even though I don't deal with spirits of any kind or even believe in Satan.

I can't be the only person who has experienced this, has anyone else encountered a bubble around their family? Was it raised for Religion? Politics? Sexual orientation? or something else? Have you found other family members on the out? Any advice on how to deal with this? I live quite a ways away from my family and I'm actually about to move farther. I'm trying to get into the habit of calling and writing family, but any other advice would be appreciated.